The Addiction

Over the past several weeks my life has hit a downward spiral, with my current mental state close to that of Jack Nicholson at the end of The Shinning or that of Jeff Goldblum on a normal Sunday afternoon. The decline began several weeks ago with several life changing moments that will scar me for the rest of my life.The most recent of these occurrences shocked me greater than any of the previous. This is the story of how I have lost my mind, my soul, and my pride. This is the story of my addiction.

It all started several weeks ago when my own flesh and blood, my parents decided that I was not worthy enough to spend Thanksgiving with them. I was alone, I felt like Macaulay Culkin in his greatest role, Richie Rich. I was an orphan, a vagrant, an outcast. I needed to fill the void left by my so called family and friends. I turned to the most addictive substance known to man, I became addicted to YouTube.

Like any relationship, the beginning was glorious, and I was filled with foreign emotions. Videos of  precious cats, adorable monkeys, and ingenious pranks on drunken roommates fueled the passion. I belonged somewhere, someone actually wanted me to be around, I was deeply in love. A love that I have never experienced and words will never be able to describe, but as soon as it had arrived, it all disappeared.

The other night, I was all alone in my hotel room, like any other night. I was preparing myself for my next love affair with YouTube. The day before YouTube and I hit a snag in our relationship and the spark had begun to go out, we had to try something new. I had several ideas but the final destination was the downfall of the relationship. This destination is not one of the most proud moments of my life but I sat there, in the cold hotel room, mouth open and dry, my eyes were glazed over. I had become infatuated with a YouTube video of a person playing Justin Bieber on the clarinet. 

I don’t exactly remember how the night ended, but the next morning I awoke in shame, without any recollection of the previous nights events. I knew that I hurt someone that night, but whom. The haze from the past several weeks has imprinted itself onto the upper cortex on what is left of my mushy brain. I may never know exactly how the night ended but I do know one thing, my world will never be the same.