A Pandemic of Epic Proportions

Throughout history the extinction of man has seemed all but eminent. Natural and manmade disasters have destroyed a countless number of human lives and have affected us, our neighbors, and our unborn children. On November 19, a disaster, struck our great planet, and has begun to destroy households, cities, and several small countries. This disaster I speak of was released on humanity, without any preconceived warning, this disaster is the abomination known as, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, or The Harry Potter Flu, taken root in our communities with no cure in sight. As the disease spreads a mass hysteria has over come many of this nations great cities.  Scientists have begun to compile evidence on the origin of this deadly disease and all signs point towards London. Government officials have begun to issue statements but many of which fall on deaf ears due to the hysteria. The President of the United States has issued a state of emergency in many areas and has commissioned the Center for Disease Control to investigate this horrendous disease.

 On Monday morning the Center for Disease Control issued a statement in regards to the current outbreak of the Harry Potter Flu. In the statement the CDC advised the public of the United States to refrain from travel this holiday season, due to the infectious nature of this disease. The disease is easily transmitted through the air with early symptoms ranging from psychotic distress, slight loss of eye sight, and an unexplained urge to rest broom sticks near ones nether regions. The CDC has also advised those who must travel this holiday season to allow the specially trained agents of the TSA to search ones person and belongings for early signs of this deadly disease.

While those who must undergo these heightened TSA security measures may feel as if their personal privacy may have been compromised, they must understand that these security measures are for their own safety, and not for one’s personal enjoyment. As the news reports surfaced yesterday of TSA agents forcing young children to disrobe and allow invasive searches, an outrage erupted across the nation for the dismantling of this government agency. The public must understand that these measures are for their own personal safety, since these “children” are the main vessels of this deadly disease.

As I have begun to study this disease, a harsh reality has set in; we are on the verge of apocalypse. This disease has begun to erode at our very existence. As those close to your begin to send text messages ordering those around them to “cast some spells” or brooms begin to disappear from your local hardware stores, ask yourself if this is the world you want to live in. Do you want to sit back and wait for the infection or do you want to be like mankind’s greatest hero, Ben Affleck? As those around you begin to fall subject to this disease, do one thing, remember the Armageddon of the 1990’s and the sacrifices Ben Affleck made for your freedom and the freedoms of those around you.