A Modern Day Spanish Inquisition

Throughout my wonderful collegiate career I learned many of useless things; the co-sign of a green trash can in the quad is not something that I have used on a daily basis. I did however acquire a skill which has helped me to succeed and that is the ability to adapt.  In my many semester hours of useless classes, such as Business Calculus, Sociology of Marriage and Family(neither of which really exist), and Woman and Gender Studies, I have acquired the ability to morph my attributes to match those in my current surroundings. The most recent attribute, which I had to dig out from under painful memories of the awkwardness that is called middle school, is the ability to speak Spanish.

The Spanish language is a complex language of letters and sounds that I can really understand unless under the influence or it is being spoken by the voluptuous women on Univision. In recent days I was spacing out in a random meeting about something which I should have paid attention to, but of course I had other things on my mind. Apparently during the course of this meeting I had acknowledged the fact that I had become fluent in Spanish, when in fact my knowledge of the Spanish language is confined to one simple phrase.

It was decided during this meeting that I would be one of the four representatives to a delegation which was visiting from somewhere in South America, I am still quite perplexed by this situation and do not really know the whole story. As we met with the delegation, the Spanish language was flying around like a pack of seagulls, I had no idea what was being said or agree up. During the awkward moment when I realized that questions were being directed towards me, I panicked. The only phrase my mush mouth could utter was “sus pantalonas es muy grande y pene es muy pequino.” Definition: Their pants are very large and their penis is very small. The room fell silent.

I have yet to return to the office since this incident, I been banished to the land of guidos and fist pumps, New Jersey. I am currently scheduled to return on Monday and the end of this so called career may be near the end, or I might just be the best thing on two legs since the hype man from the Kottonmouth Kings. The future is uncertain, but I have learned one thing, the difficulty of the Spanish language far surpasses that of any Sudoku puzzle.