The Sociological Study of a Foreign Being

This is the study of Robert McGee, a 21 year old intern with a desire unlike any other. Robert hails from the great state of Indiana, and is working on his bachelor’s degree at George Washington University.  Robert seems like any regular college student on paper, but to the naked eye there is an obvious problem. Robert is a ginger.

Gingers are a species that are not well documented; apparently Steve Irwin did not see the importance in the study of these creatures. I on the other hand have taken it upon myself to study this specimen, and to document my findings for the future generations. This study will focus on all aspects of this gingers life in order to determine how we, as scientists, can help these creatures or destroy if needed.

The history of gingers is a complex one, with folk tales dating back to the beginning of time.These folk tales speak of the ginger greats such as Queen Elizabeth I, Napoleon, and Seth Green. As a scientist, discerning the fact from fiction is the most strenuous and sometimes impossible. The ginger history is a secret one, with only a few guardians of this story remaining. These guardians are known as Conan O'Brien, Reba McIntyre, and The Undertaker. These guardians have begun documenting the little known ginger history on what they call interactive plays, or commonly known as crap.

Due to the amount of discrepancies in these interactive plays, I have begun studying the one they call Robert McGee. This personal study has led me to several conclusions about the attributes of these creatures.  These attributes will be followed by instances, of the ginger personality. I will warn you, some of them are quite extreme. These attributes are as follows:

Gingers have a tendency to be back stabbers (Judas Iscariot)

Gingers have a horrendous sense of direction (Christopher Columbus, and really any woman)

Gingers have a been known to hold false records (Mark McGuire)

Gingers do not know when to quit (Axl Rose)… and some just can’t (Lindsey Lohan)

Gingers are quite ticklish (Elmo)

Gingers have the ability to convert into cartoon form (Wilma Flintstone, Daphne Blake)

Gingers have mastered the art of, what they call, the Total Gym (Chuck Norris)

The most disturbing is that Gingers have a history of becoming dangerously irate when realizing they have nothing else to contribute to society (Danny Bonaduce)

But when they can contribute to the advancement of society they are honored like gods

(George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, and Ewan McGregor)

Now this study is far from over. As a scientist, there are still far too many questions and not enough answers. I can assure you that this documentation of gingers will be unlike any of its kind. Hypothesis will be formed and theories will be debunked. (That awkward guy from Mythbusters) My only fear is that this scientific process does not drive me mad in the process. (Jim Carey) 8 gingers + 15 gingers = 23 gingers…. 23